Feelings for a Death Eater
by Willow Angel
Summary: Hermione and Snape were thrown together in Hermione's 5th year, but now in her 6th they have grown to become close friends. Sometimes she knows Snape is watching her, and relizes he might want more than just friendship, could she ever love him?ch.9 up new
1. Loneliness

Hey everyone, I'm kinda nervous cuz its my first time to post anything. I'm really glad if you like it, and if you don't….well, you s***, lol, sorry I'm j/k. and to let everyone know I write for myself, not to please people.  
  
Luv  
  
*Willow Angel*  
  
  
  
Feelings for a Death Eater  
  
  
  
" Hermione, what is up with you?" Ron asked, raising his eyebrows while openly chewing his chicken. I sighed and looked away from the ceiling, which was currently an ominous gray color, reflecting my mood.  
  
"Nothing Ron," I sat my fork on the side of my plate, my food barely touched.  
  
"I'm just not feeling very well," I rubbed my temples, glancing up at the head table of the Great Hall. All the teachers were there, every one of them except Snape. He had been gone all last night, today, and still wasn't back, causing his classes to be canceled.  
  
"I think I'm going to bed, kay?" I glanced Harry who had a strange expression on his face.  
  
"What." I asked.  
  
" 'Mione', are you sure you're all right, you look bloody awful?" his brow creased slightly, and I almost wanted to laugh, almost. My mouth twitched into a half smile and I gave Harry a tight hug, letting out a shuddering breath. He was such good friend, as was Ron, I loved them both dearly. He returned the hug with an equally strong one, and I wanted to cry from all my confusion and worry.  
  
"I'm fine Harry, I swear," I pulled away slowly from his embrace and poked him on the shoulder.  
  
"You worry to much," he knew me too well, but I had to put on an act, I could never tell Ron or him my secret.  
  
"I have a right to, you know," he gave me a grim smile, and I knew he was talking about Voldemort. He hugged me again, whispering, "Take care of yourself, then he turned to Ron and began to talk about Quiditch.  
  
I pushed away from the table and walked away from my two best friends. I looked around the main entrance making sure no one as around, then made my way down the steps leading to the dungeons, casting eerie shadows along the dimly lit passageway. Being alone in the hallways made me feel unnerved, and I wanted to get to Severus' room as quickly as possible. I slipped into his classroom successfully, pulling my wand out of my robes and muttering a few words and my wand lit the room in one large sliver shadow. I quickly walked over to the far wall, and pushed a black tapestry away. I felt along the wall till I came along a bumpy stone, and gently probed it with my fingers till I felt the tiny latch. I pressed it, and the wall melted away into a door. I took a small silver key from around my neck and slipped it into the keyhole, turned it, and quickly entered Severus' personal chambers.  
  
The fireplace was lit, and I was suddenly overwhelmed with his presence. I took a deep breath and slipped out of my school robes and bent over and untied my shoes, and left them by the closed door. Severus' study was very comfortable with a large hearth, a thick, soft rug, a few winged back chairs, and several bookcases and cabinets. I waked across the room to his bedroom, and opened the door, wishing with all my heart that Severus was in bed, but I knew he wasn't. The fire was also lit and I walked over to his closest where I kept some of my clothing from home, and took out my dark blue fuzzy slippers that were enchanted so that they sparkled, then put them on. I turned his bed down, and smoothed my fingers over his black sheets, my eyes welling up with tears. I really did miss him. I grabbed an extra blanket off the end of Severus' bed, and I left the bedroom, closing the door softly. I walked over to his desk where I shuffled through the many stacks of papers until I found the second years essays on: truth potions throughout history. I knew he would be stressed when he got back so I sat to the task of straightening his desk and grading the essays. My head was really aching when I was done with the essays, I didn't know how Severus graded all those papers by reading everyone of them.  
  
I walked over to the desk and laid the papers down, and picked up a potions book Severus had been reading. I glanced over my shoulder at the blanket and my wand, and smiled. I would just curl up on the floor while reading the book.  
  
After I got comfortable, I lost my interest in the book, and stared at the fire. I knew I was beginning to drift off to sleep, but I couldn't help it. I really wanted to stay up and be awake when Severus got back, but my eyes wouldn't stay open. My last thoughts just before I went to sleep were full of questions, as tears slipped through my closed lids.  
  
What if Severus was hurt or even worse dead? Where was he, and when he got back to Hogwarts would he be hurt? What would Harry and Ron do when they found out I was really good friends with Severus Snape? Would they even try to understand? Some times I wasn't sure if Severus only wanted my friendship or more. I loved him as a friend, right? Nothing other than that, but I could always see the faint trace of him wanting more, and I sometimes became confused wondering if I wanted more than just friendship too. So many what ifs, what woulds, and would theys, I was terribly confused. My eyes drifted shut, and my hand instinctively clutched my wand as I curled up on the rug, crying because of the loneliness I felt.  
  
* * * * * *  
  
  
  
A shadow loomed over me, as I buried my head deeper into the rug.  
  
"Hermione, love, be still," someone spoke. I could feel someone gently grab hold of my arms and lift me. I snuggled into the persons embrace and took a deep breath; it was Severus.  
  
"Here we go, love," I was placed down on what felt like the bed.  
  
"Severus?" I asked sleepily, trying to make my eyes focus.  
  
"Close your eyes, Hermione, sleep," he leaned over and kissed my forehead, and I could see a streak of blood over his left eyebrow.  
  
"You're hurt," I mumbled, trying to reach up and touch the gash that was dripping blood onto his sheets.  
  
"It's nothing," he said, absently pushing my arm down to my side.  
  
"Goodnight, close your eyes,"  
  
I closed my eyes obediently, but I still felt him near me, watching me. I was so tired though….  
  
"Severus, I …" my words became slurred, and my vision faded to black.  
  
"I love you Hermione."  
  
Those were the last words I heard him say to me before I went to sleep, but I wouldn't remember them in the morning. 


	2. Dream

Hey everybody! I'm so thrilled that someone actually reviewed me, thanx so very much, and ROTCgirl, I know I need to work on my mechanics, no one said I was perfect {smiles} but thank you, I hope I will turn out to be a promising writer. No more exams for me, hehe, I hate them so very much. If anyone ever has any ideas they want share, please do, I'm always open. And if you guys ever have any stories of your own you want me to read, please tell me, I would love to. Well ttyl  
  
~WILLOW~  
  
  
  
Chapter 3: Startling Realization  
  
"Come here Hermione," Severus called from across the room. I looked up from where I was shelving books by his desk, and clumsily got to my feet.  
  
" What," I asked as I walked over to him and placed my hand on his shoulder.  
  
He looked up at me with the most intense black eyes, and I stopped breathing. I closed my eyes and slightly shook my head, then looked at him again.  
  
"Come here, love," he took my hand and pulled me into his lap. I stared at him with wide eyes, and my mouth was a perfect o. he wrapped his arms around my waist and leaned his cheek against my shoulder. What was Severus doing? He never showed his emotions towards me so openly, he never had truly hinted that he wanted more that our friendship.  
  
I twisted around in his embrace, about to say 'Severus, what are you doing', but I was met by his lips. They were so soft, and agonizingly bringing passion to all my senses. His arms tightened around me as his lips trailed down my throat and I quietly moaned. Gods it felt so good! But still, how could this be happening, this couldn't be real. My thoughts kept on turning over and over again till I was lost in Severus' and my passion. I barley could feel him unbuttoning my blouse, and I sighed when his callused hands touched my smooth stomach.  
  
"Severus, oh gods Severus…" I moaned as he kissed my collarbone. It felt wonderful. His hands were working on my skirt and…  
  
My eyes popped open and there was Severus staring at me as he sat up in bed. I was still in that little brown chair, and…my book was on the floor.  
  
'Why were you saying my name?" he asked, and I groaned inwardly.  
  
  
  
*sorry you guys, I have to go to a church activity now, um hu, the joy. Sorry I had to cut this short, but there will be more up tomorrow.  
  
Luv ya'll  
  
-Willow 


	3. Unwanted Thoughts

Hello every body, didn't you love my last chapter {devilish grin} I wasn't sure what to write, but hellsong gave me the perfect idea, so thank her. All right, I'll let you get on with the reading.  
  
Chapter 4: Cold Realization  
  
My eyes popped open and there was Severus staring at me as he sat up in bed. I was still in that little brown chair, and…my book was on the floor.  
  
'Why were you saying my name?" he asked, and I groaned inwardly.  
  
"Um..." I couldn't think of any kind of excuse to give him, and I absolutely could not tell him the truth!  
  
" Bad dream," I mumbled, looking wildly around the room, trying to think of a way to leave. I got up and walked into Severus' bathroom, splashing cold water onto my pale face. What was the mater with me? Severus equaled friend, friend equaled Severus. How could I think of him as my lover? I wiped my hands on a coarse hand towel, and without a backward glance I went into the bedroom. My stomach growled and then it came to me, I would go to breakfast.  
  
I looked at him sitting there, looking worn and tired, shadows under his eyes. I almost felt bad enough to stay with him, but I really needed to think about what my conscious was trying to tell me.  
  
" Is there anything I can get you?" I timidly asked.  
  
"No," he replied coldly and promptly. I took a step back. What had I done to make him so distant, though he usually was a distant person? He was not the one who had been plagued by sexual dreams the night before.  
  
"Well then," I said slowly, " I am going to breakfast, okay?" I was itching to leave; I just wanted to get away.  
  
"Fine," was all he said.  
  
"Bye," I said hurriedly, racing out the door giving him a backward glance, hoping he would be fine, at least he looked better than the night before. I grabbed my Hogwarts robe from the coat stand, and slipped on my tennis shoes. I turned the doorknob and made a quick dash out of the room and through the black tapestry. Luckily no one was in the potions classroom, so I wouldn't have to explain anything, I had just been very stupid not to check. I peeked out the door, and then went into the hall, buttoning my robe as I went. I ran my hands through my unruly hair, trying to appear calmer that I was. Explanations ran through my mind as I tried to think up something to tell Harry and Ron, who I knew I would have to face sometime soon. Telling them a lie about where I had been on Saturday wasn't going to be easy.  
  
I crossed the entry hall and went into the Great hall. I think I was late for breakfast because there was hardly anyone in the room. Yes, I was hungry, but as I sat down, nothing seemed to appeal to me. I nibbled at my sausage, and at my eggs, but it wasn't helping. I just felt sick. The thought of Severus' electric, passionate kisses made me flush, and his hands on my stomach made me um…flush even more. And what really scared me was that I liked it, bloody hell, I loved it. I knew I shouldn't be thinking this, but oh well, I couldn't stop. I banged my fork down on the side of my plate, and stood up, quickly exiting the room  
  
While I walked to the Gryffindor common room, my thoughts wondered. I needed to share my confusion with someone other than Harry and Ron; I needed to have some advice from someone of my same sex. Before I knew it I was in front of the fat lady's portrait saying the password and climbing into the common room. Some people were playing games of wizards chest, and others doing homework, Sundays were never that busy.  
  
I looked about for an empty chair and found one in the corner of the room. I sat in it, wanting to curl up into a dreamless sleep, that is till I saw Ginny coming in with her friends. I knew she might understand. I got up and walked over to where she was laughing with three other girls and tapped her on the shoulder.  
  
"Ginny, um… may I talk to you for a moment. Ginny nodded her head, and followed me over to the corner where I had been sitting. Luckily Harry and Ron were not in the room.  
  
"What's up, you don't look well, is something the matter?" Ginny asked with a concerned smile on her face.  
  
And suddenly I couldn't find the words to tell her about my relationship with Severus. She knew I sometimes went to his personal chambers, and that we were friends but that was really all we could be.  
  
"Come on, Hermione, I know you want to tell me something, go ahead."  
  
"You…you'll think I am disgusting," I stammered, now I didn't want to tell her.  
  
"What," she said in a teasing voice, "have you been having dreams about Snape where you are sexually involved with him." My head shot up and I looked at her with wide eyes. Then Ginny's eyes grew wide also and she cried, "I was joking Hermione, I didn't know!" I looked back down trying to hid a bright red blush, how was I going to explain how scared, confused, and sexually aroused I was by that dream. How I didn't know if I wanted more than friendship between Severus Snape and me.  
  
"Oh Ginny," I began, "I am so confused."  
  
  
  
  
  
you know, I am not really good at head and foot notes to readers, that's why mine are so short. Sorry it took all day to get this up, but there will be more tomorrow or the next day. I promise. I am now going to see a movie, but I will be brain storming on the next chapter as I guzzle not soda and pop corn, j/k, I don't like pop corn, I uploaded some poems today too, so read those and review please  
  
luv ya all  
  
~Willow~* 


	4. Shock and Confussion

Hi everyone, I just got back from New York, and it was so wonderful! I love the city with all my heart…..okay, okay I'll cut out the mushy crud, but I really do love it there! Go there, you'll love it.  
  
  
  
Chapter 2: Confusion  
  
I woke, tangled in black sheets, the fire had gone out, but a faint trace of dawn came through the windows in Severus' room. I rubbed my cheek against his pillow, wondering how I had gotten here, and then remembered him bringing me in here last night. There might have been some type of conversation, but it was lost to my memory. A faint cough came from the study, and I slowly set up, dizzy from not feeling well. I pushed the blankets back and swung my legs around till they were resting on the old stone floor. Tiny shivers ran up my back, and I gingerly got up. My skirt was slightly wrinkled, and my blouse, well lets just not comment on my blouse.  
  
I wrapped my arms around my waist, and walked into Severus' study, and there he was sitting in a chair sleeping. My hand went instantly over my mouth as I gasped, and tears filled my eyes. Oh, he looked awful. A white bandage was around his forehead, he looked so very pail, deep black bruises covered his skin, and his cloths were torn. What had they done to him?  
  
I quickly walked over to him, forgetting the pain in my head, and gently touched his arm. He instantly woke, I think startled from me waking him from his uneasy sleep.  
  
"Oh, Severus," I whispered, my hand reaching for his. He latched onto me with a surprising force, his eyes glazed. And it hurt really badly. I don't think he knew who I was.  
  
"Severus, you're hurting me, let go," I said calmly brushing my other hand across is cheek, "please, its Hermione." I barely remembered last night when he came in, just that he had been bleeding, and that he had tucked me in. his hand slowly let go of mine, and he looked up at me.  
  
"There we go, just calm down," he gradually shook his head and mumbled sorry.  
  
I realized then he had slept out here, and given me the bed, even when he was in this condition.  
  
"What are you doing here," he looked around the room, " shouldn't you be in class?" I shook my head.  
  
"Its Saturday, he was struggling to stand up, but I lightly pushed him back into the chair.  
  
"But, then I missed cl…" is words trailed off, and I knew he was confused about why it wasn't Friday.  
  
"Severus, what did they do," I crouched down in front of him, scanning his face, but stopping on his eyes. There was some unwritten terror there, something I would never understand. I played my fingers over his bandage, and smoothed them across his cheek.  
  
'I can't tell you, Hermione, I can't, " he was desperately trying to hide his emotions, and doing a rotten job at it. His cold complexion and out steal was dropping, and I was catching the glimpse of a frightened child.  
  
"Severus, I.." he cut me off sharply.  
  
"Don't Hermione, just drop it." I bit my bottom lip, and looked away. He never liked showing his emotions; I think I might have been the only one who saw the gentle, almost soft side of him. And it was those times when I though I might be able to love him. He wanted it to appear that he didn't care for a soul, but I knew he cared for me. He proved it in so many small gestures. Like last night for instance when he let me have the bed though he was badly injured. He respected me, and even after all this time had never taken advantage of me, though I really wasn't anything to look at.  
  
Dumbledore knew about our secret friendship, he even approved of it. I think he thought of us allies, from time to time he called me into his office, asking reports on how Severus was handling being a death eater, but living in out world.  
  
"Alright, but come to bed, you look exhausted." I helped him up when he made no protest. I bared most of his weight to the bedroom, staggering from time to time, it was a very long process.  
  
After I got him settled in and comfortable, I went to his bathroom, and washed up. A few streaks of blood were on my cloths, but I really didn't care. I filled a small bowl with water and got a soft rag, and carried them into his room.  
  
I pulled a chair up to the side of his bed and set the bowl on his nightstand. I slowly unwrapped the bandage around his head and cringed at the ugly gash that was still steadily leaking blood. Why hadn't he gone to Madam Pomfrey? I wet the rag and dabbed his forehead, and squeezed my eyes shut when he moaned in pain. I got my wand out and did a simple healing spell, not sure if it would work.  
  
After I was done and Severus had fallen into an uneasy sleep again, I washed out the rag, and washed my hands. How had I stayed calm all day? When I went back in the bedroom I saw the sun wad setting, where had the day gone? I went into the study and skimmed the shelves till I came to an interesting book, then I took it back into his room and set by the bed and began to read it. 


	5. Help

Hey everyone, okay, after my very long day of chores, and no reviews at all, I am feeling very discouraged. I have had some very emotional last few days, and… okay I won't go into that, lol, sorry. Hellsong, I love you bunches, and call if you need to talk….or I'll be calling you because I really need someone to talk to at the moment. The last time I posted ch.4 I accidentally made a booboo and posted the chappy 3 times, that is why there is an author's note twice that is identical. Oh well no one ever said I was perfect. Please read and review, it makes me feel better when I know you guys like it.  
  
~Willow~  
  
  
  
Chapter 4: Help  
  
  
  
"Oh Ginny," I began, "I am so confused,"  
  
I looked up at her, tying not to cry, though I wanted to with every fiber of my being. All I had ever wanted from Snape was kindness or friendship, but I couldn't even tell where friendship began and where it ended now. That night in my fifth year had changed everything; from the way that Snape treated me to the way he looked at me. I can't quite say its good that we have become such close friends, even though his pride comes between us at times. Even though Professor Dumbledore is okay with it, I hardly doubt he will allow us having sex together. I shook my head, and looked away. When Snape had saved my life by almost giving his… I bit my lip and tried to turn my thoughts away from the fact that he would have never tried to save me unless he cared enough to, at least that's what my heart was saying.  
  
"Ginny, I thought things would always be that same. I would grade his papers, clean his study, bedroom, and bathroom; I'd be there when he got back from being with the death eaters just incase he was hurt, and in return he would be nice to me sometimes and let me keep some of my 'muggle' clothing in his closet. I never thought he would start to look at me different, you know?" Ginny's eyes were still wide, and she was grasping the side of my armchair.  
  
"Hermione, do mean to tell me that Professor Snape has been looking at you…you know…in that way?" she blushed prettily, and I though that I might not have told her or let her guess.  
  
"Well, I mean I'll wake up and find him staring at me, or he'll do little things for me that show he cares, but they aren't extravagant. He seems so unsure about having me as a friend, and sometimes he'll get so distant and cold. Like Friday night he came in and was so smashed up, and I had to perform a few healing spells and get close to him on Saturday when I found him sleeping in a chair in his study. I think he picked me up and took me into his bedroom, and let me have his bed, even in his condition, but anyways; he was so cold and awful this morning when he woke up. Why do you think so?" I asked, wishing she might know the answer.  
  
"Do you think its because he might not want to get too close to you, not want any help, and for you to see him weak?" Ginny had a quizzical expression on her face as she thought over the matter.  
  
"Does he do this every time you have to look after him?"  
  
"Yes," I replied, " well almost." It made since, Snape never was actually nice to anyone student, he just seemed to favor his house more than the others.  
  
"I think that is why," Ginny said while bobbing her head up and down.  
  
There was a small pause in the conversation, and I knew what Ginny was going to ask next. I nervously twisted my hair around my finger.  
  
"Now, about these dreams, when did you start to have them?"  
  
"Um…I have only had one, and I had it last night." That dream had made me realize how closely Snape and I were living together. Sometimes we acted like an old couple, that is when we were alone. But in public and in classes he was still the rude professor who hated me, and I was the meek student he had once made me in his class.  
  
"And how far did it go?"  
  
"Not too far, he was about to…take of my clothing?" I felt my body go hot, and I curled into the chair even more.  
  
"You call that not to far?" Ginny asked with a smile on her face." Hermione, I would like to hear your definition of too far."  
  
"Um… I don't have one." I said quietly.  
  
"Oh Gin, what do I do?" I moaned and let my head fall back into the seat.  
  
"There isn't anything you can do, unless you want to bring up these issues with Snape himself.  
  
"Oh, definitely not, I could never do that!" I was appalled by the very idea.  
  
Ginny laughed, and I was glad to see her more comfortable with the subject. " Hermione, I was kidding, but I think you might just want to try to ignore Snape for awhile."  
  
"Ignore him, but…but we are friends, I can't do that!"  
  
"What else do you suggest, continue to have these dreams till you are so sexually agitated that you do something that you will regret? Or try to slowly break your friendship off, so you both won't have to go through this anymore. You know what he probably thinks about at night, how he has to keep himself off of you." I gave her a horrifying look, and clenched onto the armrests.  
  
"Oh, my gosh…he wouldn't." I whispered.  
  
"Oh yes he would, all grown men do it, hello, we are living in the present, not the past. Though they probably did it back then too." Ginny rolled her eyes, and stood up.  
  
"Hermione, think about what I said, but now I have to go work on my home work, so, I will leave you to dwell on your thoughts." Tears swelled into my eyes, and I looked away.  
  
"Hey, its not so bad," she patted my arm and walked away. I had never felt so alone and helpless in my life. I wanted to be friends with Severus; I didn't want to break off our friendship. This was all moving so fast, where I hardly could see what I was doing.  
  
I decided to go to bed, and I trudged up the stairs and into the girl's common room. Hell had broken loose, and when it left, would it take me with it? 


	6. So Unsure/ First encounter

Hey everyone, sorry it's been a few days, I have been sick. It was joy!* coughs not* well I am not really sure where I am taking this, but at the same time I do, has anyone ever had that problem? Oh well, hey hellsong, update please, I know it will help with everything, writing always does.  
  
Luv ya  
  
~Willow Angel~  
  
Feelings for a Death Eater: Chapter 5: So Unsure/ First encounter  
  
  
  
~One week Later~  
  
I clutched my books to my chest, glancing down the hall; making sure Severus wasn't there. Harry and Ron were right behind me with George; laughing and joking.  
  
"Hermione, wait up, the library can hold its own without you," my lips twitched, and I couldn't suppress my grin. They were so weird sometimes.  
  
"If you haven't noticed, boys, we have a huge history test in a few days that will not wait for us, so honestly I think we should go study." I knew we wouldn't get much studying done because the day was so beautiful, but I did need to go to the library to get a few books.  
  
"Mione, really, what goes through your head all day? One day we can't find you, not in the library or anywhere, but then you are all for spending time with us as long as it's in the library. I think it can wait for once. Let's go visit Hagrid, he's missed you, always talking about he hasn't seen you." Harry grabbed my shoulder and gently shook me. If only they did know what went through my head. Tactics for staying away from Severus, ignoring his questioning looks, and keeping what friendship they used to have from Harry and Ron.  
  
I sighed, and bit my lip; twirling my hair around my finger.  
  
"I don't know, Harry," I tried to look innocent, outside was sounding so good, "I mean, there is so much to do, I don't know if I could handle a few hours of relaxation, it might be the end of me!" George laughed, as did Ron. Harry reached around my side and started to tickle me. At first I bit my tongue trying to suppress my giggles, but after a second of torture I let loose and began to giggle loudly; dropping my books with a thud  
  
"Alright, I'll go, I'll go, couldn't you tell I was joking," I said gasping.  
  
"Ya, but I thought it would be fun to make you laugh, you hardly do that anymore. I straightened up, and bent over to retrieve my books. Only Ginny and I knew why I hardly laughed anymore, it was because I missed him so much sometimes. I took a deep breath the stood.  
  
"Come on you guys, lets get going, I haven't got all day, I still have to memorize my notes for history, or surely I will have your heads." I began to walk toward the entrance all, but stopped when George begged off, saying he had to meet Fred.  
  
"We think we have found a new secret passageway, and since its Saturday, we are going to explore."  
  
"Fine, whatever," Ron said waving good naturedly after George.  
  
"Lets go," Harry said, walking past me; a smile on his lips.  
  
* * * * *  
  
After we went and saw Hagrid, I felt a whole lot better. I had missed our conversations and cheerful bantering. As Harry, Ron, and I walked back in the dusk, I linked arms with them, and started to hum.  
  
"Thank you," I said quietly.  
  
"What for?" Ron asked, a gentle smile on his face. That's when I really loved him.  
  
"Nothing, come on last one in is….I don't know," my creative spurt that I once had had was gone; I giggled and raced up the steps, them yelling behind me.  
  
I push the big wooden door open and tripped inside. I could feel myself falling, till someone grabbed my right arm, tugging me up. I was about to smile up at the person, but when I saw Severus' face the smile died.  
  
"Pr...Professor Snape, thank you," I mumbled.  
  
"Hermione, I" he stopped, and I thanked my lucky stars that Harry and Ron came barreling in through the door.  
  
They looked at Snape holding tightly to my arm, and I smiled back at them.  
  
"Professor Snape, just stopped me from a horrendous fall, you should thank him since I was running from you." Ron looked confused, and Harry looked miffed  
  
I gave a nervous laugh; wishing Severus would let go. Then Ron laughed and patted my back, boy was he stupid, but I could see Harry felt to tension. Snape finally let go of me, and I stepped back.  
  
"Potter," Snape nodded, and turned to me, his expression cold.  
  
"Ms Granger, may I have a word with you?" he asked, I looked down at my feet. This was what I had been avoiding all week.  
  
"Professor, I am due to a study session in a few minutes," I really was, I had promised Lavender I would help her with her charms homework.  
  
"No matter, it will only take a few minutes." I looked up at Severus slowly, "Sure," I said, "okay."  
  
"You guys go on ahead, I'll see you in a few," I looked at them, pleading that they wouldn't recognize anything was the matter.  
  
"Alright," Harry and Ron walked away, but only to the steps, then turned around and looked up at us. I felt happy but scared that they would see us arguing or something like that.  
  
"Severus, I …can we talk later, please." I asked; tucking my hands into my robe.  
  
"What is the matter, Hermione?" he kept his tone casual, but in his eyes I could see how angry he was that I wasn't around anymore.  
  
"A lot of people seem to be asking me that lately." I whispered; sneaking a half glance at Harry.  
  
"What scared your precious Potter will notice us fighting, and start to ask questions?" he asked harshly. I flinched away, not wanting to face him.  
  
"Don't," I said loudly, I was just so sick of him. He plagued my thoughts, dreams of day and night, even my waking hours when I thought I had been able to escape.  
  
"I won't take this."  
  
"Take what, me coming up to talk to you, wanting to be friends?"  
  
"We are friends," I said as my throat suddenly became dry.  
  
"Well obviously not." I sighed, thinking of ways to blow him off quickly.  
  
"I'm sorry, Severus, I have just been really bust, and school has become very stressful. I just haven't found time to come see you. Now may I please go since the interrogation is over?" I smiled up at him slightly, trying to hide my sorrow. He had missed me, and I couldn't see him. Not with the terrible dreams of him and me….  
  
I still had them at least every two nights, sometimes they were detailed others were not.  
  
I began to walk away, but he grabbed my arm. I yanked it away, starting to get angry.  
  
"Stop it, okay, just stop!" I said as I pivoted around to face it.  
  
"Not while Harry and Ron are around, okay?"  
  
"Fine," he spat.  
  
I watched as Severus walked away and went down into the dungeons. I had survived the first encounter. And had lived to tell about it, though I didn't want to. I slowly turned around to where Harry and Ron were still waiting. There eyes were wide; Ron's mouth wide open.  
  
"Hermione, I think you have some explaining to do," Harry said gruffly. I let my head fall, and tears gathered in my eyes, like they had a lot lately.  
  
"I can't tell you right now," I said.  
  
"But you have to, what we just saw wasn't really something we can let just pass by," Ron said, still astonished.  
  
"Not now okay." I said again, quietly this time as I began to walk up the stairs.  
  
"Then when!" Harry exclaimed.  
  
"When I am ready, okay, if you want details just go to Ginny, but I don't want to talk abut it!" I pulled away from Harry and pounded up the stairs. And I could feel their eyes on my back the whole time.  
  
  
  
What do you guys think? I know its not the longest, but oh well, its late, and I am tired. There are now only six chapters, no author notes, so I haven't really deleted anything important, yay! Night everyone. 


	7. Nervous/ How to Tell the Truth

Hey you guys, what's up? Hellsong and I have decided to co write 2 different fics that are related to each other. They both have to do with the song 'baby got back' by Sir Mixalot. We had gone to see "Lord of the Rings", it was her 1st time, my 6th [what can I say, I am madly in love with that movie, and for anyone who wants to know what the 2nd movie is about go see it again, there is a new trailer for the "Two Towers" that is incredible  
  
* gleeful smile * I love the movie] so be looking for those fics soon one will be on my name, one will be on hers. They will be funny! And also I am about to begin another HG/SS fic, I've almost worked out how to begin it. Lol, me and my imagination, it keeps on coming up w/ new ideas, and then it forces me like the slave driver it is to redo the chappy, oh well. Oh this is a long chapter, it took up 10 pages in my spiral when I wrote it, and I write small.  
  
~Willow~  
  
  
  
Feelings for a Death Eater: Chapter 7: Nervous Feelings/ How to Tell the Truth  
  
  
  
I blinked; wondering where I was. The room was pitch black and the air was cold on my skin. I turned over and felt someone's arms tighten around me. I suddenly realized I was naked, pressed up against a man's body. I nuzzled up against their chest and swung my leg over their thigh.  
  
"Severus," I yawned happily. What?! Was I sleeping with Severus? Had we just sex?  
  
"Hermione," Someone whispered, I think Severus, Kissing the top of my head lightly.  
  
"Um hu," I responded. It was clear I was just watching what I was doing.  
  
"I'm so glad we are finally married," I listened carefully, and decided I was talking to Severus.  
  
"I am too," I sighed, turning my head to look straight into Severus Snape's warm cheerful expression. I brought my hand up, and ran my fingers over his cheek, then kissed the base of his throat.  
  
"Don't get me started again, love, I don't think either one of us is up to another bought of love making," he grinned down at me, and I laughed quietly.  
  
"I could make love to you for thousands of years,' I purred into his throat. He chuckled and pulled me closer.  
  
""I'll remember that when I'm old and grey, and you're still young and beautiful."  
  
"Don't worry, so will I," I said as I pulled myself up and straddled him and peered down into his black, depthless eyes.  
  
"I love you Severus Snape, and I always will. Never forget that." I kissed his soft lips softly, lowering my self onto his chest. Once, twice, and again."  
  
"Hermione…"  
  
#  
  
  
  
"Hermione, Hermione, wake up. You need to go to bed." My eyes fluttered open and a groan escaped my chapped lips, which I licked. I sat up from my perch on the window seat, and rubbed my lower back. I looked up at Lavender's concerned face and gave her a small smile.  
  
"Thank you," I said as I stood up and stretched.  
  
"Welcome, I just thought you might be more comfortable in your own bed."  
  
"I will be," I paused and looked out at the moon bathed lawn.  
  
"What time is it Lavender?"  
  
"Ten o'clock, since tomorrow is a Hogsmead trip, I'm going to bed."  
  
"Alright," I said as I walked over to my chest and pulled out my pajamas.  
  
"Are you going?"  
  
"No," popped out of my mouth before I could think.  
  
"Well," if you decide to change your mind you're welcome to come along with my and my friends." I winced at her comment; I didn't have any girl friends. But I turned around and smiled at her anyways.  
  
"Thank you, but I don't think I will." I felt kind of bad for lying to her about going, because I really was, just to explain to my two best friends how my world was falling apart.  
  
"Well, the offer still stands, good night Hermione," Lavender got in bed and closed the curtains around her bed.  
  
"Goodnight," I whispered, taking off my blue tank top and putting on my "Harry Potter Fan Club" shirt that Ron had made in our fifth year. Then I took off my hip hugging jeans, and then put all my clothes at the end of my bed so the house elves would clean them. As I got in bed and pulled the curtains around me I crossed my fingers so I wouldn't have anymore 'Sexual Snape' dreams, it had been six days since I had talked to Harry or Ron or even seen Snape. I had spent a lot of time ignoring the three's questioning looks, and I giggled at the thought of how Snape would just love to know I had put him in the same category as Harry. My last thoughts were based on how I would explain to Harry and Ron about Severus.  
  
* * * * *  
  
When I woke up the next morning everyone was gone from the room. I saw my clothes I had put out the night before sitting on my trunk and I put them away, and then got out a small skirt, and a red short sleeved shirt. I bent down and got my knee high boots from under my bed, then made my way to the prefect's bathroom. I quickly took a bath and dried my hair, then put on a little bit of makeup and my clothing.  
  
My stomach was filled with butterflies; I hoped that Harry and Ron had gotten my notes at breakfast about how I was ready to talk. As I walked back into my room I pulled my hair up into a pony tail with a red ribbon then put my black robed on, why did I feel that I needed to look nice for this? It wasn't like I needed to prove anything to them; they had been my best friends since out first year. I sighed and walked into the common room, I had told them to meet me at the Tree Broom Sticks at three, and it was only one thirty. I decided to go on to the village and shop for my father's birthday present.  
  
The castle halls were empty and I ran down the stairs and out the front doors. The day was lovely and arm, and there were so many people lounging out under the sun.  
  
I walked the path down to Hogsmead Feeling nervous but happy. Finally I wouldn't have to lie, and maybe they wouldn't hate me.  
  
As I browsed the shops I found a non sugar type of chocolate that was delicious, and it changed your tongue a different color every minute while preventing cavities. I bought him a galleons worth, I just knew he would love it. When I stepped out of the store I looked up at a clock embedded in the wall and saw that it was two fifty. I walked towards the small pub and pushed the door open laughter and singing washed over me and I smiled as I entered. I passed a table full of teachers and saw Snape among them. He looked at me with surprise, but then I could see something like hunger in his eyes. I clenched my fists, knowing it was going to be difficult telling Ron and Harry about our relationship with him staring down my back. I averted my eyes, and made my way over to a table where I saw Ron sitting. I glanced over at the bar and saw Harry ordering our Butter Beers.  
  
"Ello, Ron," I said quietly as I slid into the booth. I hoped Lavender wouldn't walk in and think me rood.  
  
"Hello," Ron said, eyeing me with a worried expression.  
  
Harry came over to the table, setting down our drinks with a clunk, and looked at me oddly.  
  
"Why are you dressed up?" there was a silent pause," who are you Hermione, I don't think we have known for a long time, have we?" Harry said after a minute. I shook my head, trying to suppress the tears that pressed against the back of my eyes. I had missed sharing everything with them, and here was my chance.  
  
"I don't know where to begin."  
  
"How about at the beginning," Ron said gently, placing his arm around me and giving me a squeeze.  
  
"Um, well in our fifth year… do you remember the time Malfoy trashed my family, you guys, Dumbledore, Hagrid, and Hogwarts?"  
  
"Ya, of course," Ron pointed out.  
  
"Yes, so I went to the forbidden forest where he told me to meet him,"  
  
"I still can't believe you didn't tell us you were going!" Ron exclaimed.  
  
"Shut up, Ron, let her get through an entire sentence before you cut her off!" why was Harry so mad? Was he really that hateful towards Snape?  
  
"That night there was something in the woods, I can't remember, and it caught me and knocked me out. Snape saved me. He told me later when I woke up that he had caught wind of the Draco's plan to leave me there and how he wasn't going to come. So he came after me with every intention to give me a fat whopper of a detention, but he saw it catch hold of me. He took me like an object form its arms and revived me in his office. That was when I was still striving to be a prefect so we made a deal that he wouldn't tell, even though Dumbledore found out, if I would grade his papers, help with experiments, clean his personal chambers, etc."  
  
"And this has been going on since that night?" Harry asked incredulously.  
  
"Yes," I murmured.  
  
"What else, you're not telling us everything," Harry persisted. Crud, he knew me too well. I really didn't want to tell them, I mean I was so embarrassed!  
  
"I really don't want to tell you," I blushed a deep crimson red, but when I looked at Harry I knew I was going to have to.  
  
"Well, about two weeks ago, the day that Snape had been gone and his classes canceled, that was the reason I was acting weird. So when I said I was going to bed, I really went to his chambers and fell asleep waiting for him. When he got back he was beaten up really bad, but he picked me up and put me in his bed anyways and slept in a really uncomfortable chair.  
  
"What! You've slept in his bed!" Ron and Harry exclaimed. I slapped my hands over their mouths, as we got strange looks. Especially from Snape, I could feel it.  
  
"Not with him, now let me finish before I loose my nerve, you don't know how hard this is." I drew in a shaky breath, and then continued. " when I woke up and found him I moved him to his room and cleaned him up, after he was asleep I fell asleep, next to the bed in a little, brown, uncomfortable, wooden chair. Um…" I trialed off not wanting to continue.  
  
"Hermione," Harry said sternly.  
  
Ron just gave me a reassuring squeeze and I took a deep breath.  
  
"That night," I began slowly," I dreamed that Severus and I began to have sex, don't stop me," I said sharply.  
  
"Then when I woke up I quickly high tailed it out of there, I was so embarrassed because he asked me why I was moaning his name. I told Ginny, but I was never able to approach you, believe me if I had thought you could take it without acting like an over protective brother, especially you Harry, I would have told you. But by your baffled expressions I can tell you never though little Hermione could have these thoughts.  
  
"N…no, not really," Ron stammered.  
  
"Anything else?' Harry growled, gods he was mad.  
  
"Well I haven't been able to stop thinking of him, and I am still having dreams." I couldn't look at either of them, I felt so dirty. We sat in silence, our butter beer untouched. What were they thinking? I knew Harry was speechless, and Ron was plain bewildered and struck speechless.  
  
"I'm…I'm sorry," I whispered as tears coursed down my cheeks and I let my hair drape around my face. They hadn't said anything for then minutes, I was desperate.  
  
"I can't help it, and I have tried to stop, you don't know how hard," I sobbed loudly. I felt Ron pull my head to his shoulder, and I clutched him for dear life.  
  
"There…there," and suddenly he was there again, being king and understanding as he stroked my hair that I had taken out over the past hour.  
  
"Nothing is your fault, Hermione," and Harry was there to, patting me on the back, he sounded sweet, not cruel.  
  
None of us saw the worried looks that we were getting or the footsteps.  
  
"Any Problem, Potter?" I suddenly stopped in mid sob, and clutched onto Ron even harder. Why did Snape have to come out of no where?  
  
#  
  
Hehe, don't you love it when they lave you hanging? Oh just to let you know my next fic is called the Seer and will be out in the next few days. So look for it. And read my poems and stuff too and review it, I know you don't want to, but go ahead.  
  
Nighty night  
  
~Willow~  
  
  
  
Read and review!!!! Yes, that little button, its so harmless! 


	8. Dealing with Snape

Hey everybody, okay I know my chapters have never been the longest, but oh well. Right now the server to ff.net is to busy for me to get on * pouts * , I wanted to finish reading the fic my mother so rudely made me stop reading cuz she had to do taxes. Oh well, now you will just get an updated story sooner. How many people actually read author notes? If you do, and when you review please tell me, because if I am just rambling on for no purpose. If you haven't read hellsong's fics you are sorely missing out. She is my best friend, etc, but we have got an account together where we write stories together. Our name is: hellangel, so go check us out.  
  
~Willow  
  
  
  
Hermione's POV- Feelings for a Death Eater- Chapter 8: Dealing with Snape  
  
"Any Problems, Potter?" I suddenly stopped in middle sob, and clutched onto Ron even harder. Why did Snape have to come out of no where?  
  
"Nothing sir," Harry answered calmly, but I could feel the anger trembling in his body, he was just barely covering it.  
  
"Why is Miss Granger crying?" I don't think Harry or Ron could hear it in his voice, but I could, he was worried, and to top it off I was delighted he cared. But I mentally smacked my fore head, I wasn't trying to erg myself to like him, I was supposedly trying to make myself not want to be with him, near him, around him, kissing him.  
  
"Because of y…" Harry nudged Ron in the ribs.  
  
"Because of a charms quiz," Harry covered, oh goddess! What a bad excuse. I clutched Ron even tighter; trying to banish Severus' face from my minds view. I could just picture his face with a sneer on it, but if you really looked deep in his eyes you would see the confusion and worry.  
  
"Blimey, Hermione, give a lad some air here," Ron whispered in my ear. I loosened my grip a fraction.  
  
"Well, if there is nothing the matter, good day," I could hear him begin to walk away, and his footsteps falter, but hen he continued to leave.  
  
"Was Snape actually being civilized towards us?" Ron asked in disbelief.  
  
"He does it for me," I mumbled as I pulled away from him and dabbed my eyes with a tissue I summoned.  
  
"Are you alright, Hermione?" Harry asked after a moment. I nodded my head and sniffed.  
  
"Sorry I got your shirt wet," I said as I brushed my fingers over the large damp spot on Ron's shoulder.  
  
"Oh, it's nothing," he said with a faint blush on his cheeks.  
  
"Let's get you back to the castle," Harry said after I let the rest of my guard down and let a tired sigh escape my lip. I nodded and mad a move to get up, but let Harry help me the rest of the way out of the booth. And suddenly I felt a great weight lift from my shoulders. I didn't have to lie to my friends anymore and I felt relief, but the matter of Severus was still at hand.  
  
* * * * *  
  
I gathered my necessary books, that I would need for the day, off of my bedside table, then quietly made my way out of the room. Lavender was skipping classes for the day because she claimed 'she didn't feel well', but it wasn't bad enough to go see Madam Pomfrey.  
  
My black robes swished around my ankles as I made my way to breakfast. My stomach growled loudly as I descended the stairs, I could almost taste the food on the tip of my tongue. I walked into the Great Hall and smiled to see Harry and Ron pouring over their history books. They obviously hadn't found time to study where I had, some things would never change.  
  
"Good morning boys," I said cheerfully.  
  
"Shut up, Hermione," they said simultaneously.  
  
I sat down next to Harry, placing my books next to me on the wooden bench.  
  
"Granger, got your blubbering self together?" Malfoy's drawl echoed in my ears.  
  
"Yes, Malfoy, so wonderful of you to ask, I didn't know you cared." I said, my voice dripping with sugary sweetness. He scowled and tuned away, stalking back to the Slytherin table. I faint smile pulled at my lips, I had beaten him at his tongue lashings. I turned back to the table to see my best friends grinning at me.  
  
"What? I am capable of handling Draco Malfoy's silly games, please!" I gave an exasperated sigh, and rolled my eyes heavenward and muttered a few choice words.  
  
"We see that." Harry said, still grinning foolishly.  
  
"What?" I asked again.  
  
"Our little Hermione is growing up." Ron said in a sweet voice, though he was faking it.  
  
"But she already proved that didn't she, her and those naughty dreams?" Harry said raising his eyebrows up and wiggling them up and down.  
  
"Oh shut up!" I laughed. I really didn't care what they said about them as long as they didn't tell anyone about them. "GO back to your studies, and leave me be, Mr. Potter. Really! If you are going to save the world, you have to pass this exam, the whole populous of humanity rests on your shoulders!"  
  
"My apologies, I forget theses things, you must remind me periodically, or we might not be seeing next year." Ron nodded vigorously, and then we started to laugh.  
  
I forked some eggs onto my plate once I calmed down, and sipped some of my orange juice. These were mornings I would always remember, no matter what happened. Where we all joked about ourselves harmlessly, and just worried about school and what that day held. Suddenly I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up and I knew someone was watching me. I slowly scanned the room, but didn't come in eye contact with anyone. But when I turned towards the high table, there was no one other than dear Severus watching me intently, but he quickly looked away when I met his gaze.  
  
I shook my head and sighed, it was going to be a long day, double potions with Slytherins.  
  
  
  
###-later that day, half way through potions.  
  
I stared at the board where Severus' tidy scrawl was, and copied down the ingredients to the truth potion. Nevil was sucking on the end of his quill as he looked nervously from his right to his left.  
  
"What's the matter, Nevil," I asked in a hushed whisper.  
  
"Nothing, really, do you think Snape will notice, um that I forgot some ingredients today, I didn't mean to leave my potions set in the room, but when my rememberal went bright read, I couldn't remember."  
  
"Oh, don't worry about it, you can use some of mine, and pay me back later."  
  
"Thanks Hermione, you're a life saver!"  
  
"No problem." I turned back to the board and began to scribble down the words, brushing some hair behind my ear and licking my lips that felt dry. I didn't know why, but I was feeling tired. Luckily this was the last class of the day, and Draco wasn't bothering me. I closed my eyes, leaning my head on my right hand. I don't know how long I had been sitting there, but I was rudely woken up to see Snape standing over me, a sneer on his beautiful face.  
  
"Miss Ganger, do you find my class so unimportant that you feel the need to fall asleep in it?"  
  
"No, Professor, I'm sorry, it won't happen again." When I met his eyes, if felt something click, and my eyes widened as did his, but he quickly recovered. I ripped my gaze away from his; worried he read my expression that had been so open, so honest about all my feelings. That's what I got for sleeping in his class and waking up with him in front of me.  
  
"You're right, it won't happen again. Fifteen points from Gryffindor, and you have detention tonight at seven, meet me here in the dungeons. I could hear Crabb and Goyal laughing, and I moaned. Oh great! I had just given him the perfect opportunity to question me.  
  
"Yes, sir." This was going to be a hell of a night.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Well, that's all for today, I would write more, but I have school in the morning. Oh ya, I got the first chapter of the seer up so go check it out, I'll update it tomorrow.  
  
Chow,  
  
~Willow  
  
  
  
Review! [62 reviews and I'll update, 60and I'll think about it- sorry I had to change it, I have to think about what is going to happen!] 


	9. Detention

Hey you guys, sorry, I know I said I would update at 62 reviews, but I have been swarmed by a plague of homework. And I also have a friend chatting in my ear [you know who you are * coughs *}. Well, here is the chapter I have so greedily kept. [Oh, and I have had a beta reader, I just haven't sent her my stuff ahead of time, and I will start, thanx so much for suggesting that!]  
  
~Willow - I redid a few things just for those who have already read this-  
  
Hermione's POV- Feelings for a Death Eater- Chapter 9: Detention is Fun, but Hard  
  
  
  
I wearily trudged up the steps towards the common room; a distant clock chimed twelve downstairs. A Blissful, happy smile still lingered on my lips in the after glow of what had just happened. Who would have thought Severus Snape would understand and would care? My hand ran along the smooth banister, and my steps echoed in the empty halls, everyone was asleep or shut away tight in their bed while I was just leaving detention and… Snape. His arms… they had felt so good around me, and his lips were so agonizingly soft just like I had always dreamed.  
  
I sighed and wrapped my arms around my mid section. I never wanted to forget this night, in no way. I saw the Fat Lady's portrait, and began to walk faster. She was lightly dozing when I woke her up and mumbled the password. I think I startled her about being out late, when I usually wasn't, at least without the aid of Harry's cloak. The picture swung forward, and I stepped in the dark room. The fire was barely burning, but I didn't care. I skipped up the steps into my bedroom that I shared with all the other girls. They were all sleeping deeply when I entered, some snored. I changed into a tank top and shorts, and then climbed into bed, drawing the curtains around me. Then I began to replay the night in my head.  
  
* * * * *  
  
[Detention}  
  
I nervously turned the handle to the potions classroom, I was a little late. I had no clue of what to expect from Severus, I had once seen the sweet side of him, though he had tried to cover it up fiercely. But now all I saw was an angry potions master who didn't understand what had happened between us. The room was empty and I took off my robes, leaving my in knee high boots and a skirt that was right above my knees. My blouse was silky and it made me feel better about what was going to happen.  
  
I sat down in a front row seat. Where was Severus? I tapped my manicured nails on the clean, polished desk, waiting and thinking.  
  
"Hermione," I heard the door close behind me with a click, and Severus mutter a locking and silencing spell on the door, what was he planning?  
  
"Professor, I…"  
  
"No need for formalities, Hermione," He said as he walked towards me; I turned around in my seat and took in his state. He looked very restless and angry, about what; I think I had a clue.  
  
"We need to talk," he said simply, but with an arrogant edge.  
  
"Severus, please, I really don't want to talk about anything tonight." I pleaded, but I could tell he was going to want answers.  
  
"No getting out of this, pet!" he spat at me, his hands tightening at his sides.  
  
I turned my head away from him, looking across the room as tears welled up in my eyes. Where had the old Hermione gone? She would have never cried so many times in a few weeks. She would have stood up to Professor Snape and told him what a royal pain in the ass he was. An icy cold hand grasped my shoulder and I shivered.  
  
"Why have you avoided me, and I don't want any rubbish, just the truth." He stated in a level tone, and it scared me, he was too clam.  
  
"I… can't, I just can't," I stammered, biting my lower lip very hard, enough so that I could taste the metallic tang of blood.  
  
"And why is that, are you too ashamed of being around me, afraid that your precious Potter and Weasly will cast you away like the ungrateful gits that they are."  
  
"No, not at all," I drew a deep breath, " And Ron and Harry were perfect gits, as you like to call them, they understood about us when I told them, and were all too happy that I had stopped coming to see you, but not exactly for the reason why!" I was kind of angry for him calling my friends gits, but oh well, this conversation was moving at a fast pace.  
  
I turned and looked up at him and saw his eyes were wide, unshed tears were still in mine, and I made no move to wipe them away. His sneer faded into a frown, and his eyes softened. He knelt beside me, his hair swaying around his face.  
  
"Hermione," his eyes softened and he brought his hand up and gently stroked my left cheek. I leaned into his hand; I had wanted him to do this since my first dream.  
  
"Please don't," I weakly protested, after all this time I still was trying to be the good little girl instead of giving in to my emotions.  
  
"Tell me," he said again, continuing to stroke my face, oh he knew how to make me give in.  
  
"I…don't think you will like it, I mean..." I pulled away blushing furiously. "a student lusting after a teacher isn't very good for a reputation." I said it quietly, almost a whisper, tears finally dripping down my cheeks.  
  
"Go on," said, slightly stiffer, but not coldly, his hand stopped.  
  
" That night you came back- last time I was in your bedroom- I dreamed of us…" I couldn't go on, it just was so humiliating.  
  
"It's okay, Hermione," I felt his hand grip my shoulder again and leave my face, but this time it was different from his first, and his voice was deep and raspy like he was having a hard time dealing with this.  
  
" I dreamt that you and I were making out, and that's why I left so fast. I went to talk to Ginny, Ron's sister, and she suggested that I stay away from you, and break off our friendship. And… and it was so hard," I choked out through my bitter tears. Then suddenly I was sobbing again for the second time in three days, but in a new way. This time it hurt, the sobs were deep and painful. How would I ever look at Severus in the eyes again? This would never work. I laid my head down on the desk as my shoulders shook violently. I felt so alone. I didn't matter that Harry and Ron were now treating me like someone more fragile or being a little kinder, and that they weren't always completely comfortable around me but tried to act like they were.  
  
Suddenly Severus' arms encased me in a protective circle, and he drew my head to his shoulders. He would have never done this before last year if he had found me in this state. My arms ran around his back and I hugged him hard. He stroked my hair slowly, murmuring something into my ear, but I couldn't understand for a long while.  
  
"It's alright Hermione, really it is," he repeated it over and over again, and it had a calming effect on me. He was breathing a little faster than normal, but it didn't matter. My rivers of tears began to run dry, and I berried my head in his chest.  
  
After a moment he spoke, "You shouldn't have had to worry about what I would say, hasn't what we've been through meant anything to you?"  
  
"Everything," I murmured, and pulled back slightly. "You know, Severus, I missed you so much and Harry and Ron were watching me so closely. When I told them," I looked down, " that day at the Three Broom Sticks, the day you came over to the table, that's why I was crying, and I felt so um… dirty."  
  
I could feel him looking at me, and my eyes were drawn to his.  
  
"Oh Hermione," his voice was choked, and he ran his thumb over my lips, and I kissed it. Then he slowly leaned down and kissed me softly, his right hand gripping the back of my neck and began to massage the tight mussels. I pulled him closer and felt his thigh make contact with my stomach, and I moaned. His tongue probed my lips and I gratefully opened them and let it slip inside. It ran long the inner walls, and dipped into areas I never knew existed. A crazy sensation began to burn deep inside my stomach, and I tangled my hands in his hair. His hand had grabbed onto my butt, and was pulling me closer.  
  
Then out of no where he leapt back, breathing harshly as if I had done something immoral. He cut his eyes away from mine and I leaned against the desk, catching my breath.  
  
"Hermione, I…I am sorry, I shouldn't have let my emotions… get in… out of control," he gasped and he looked so angry. Was it because of me?  
  
"Did I do something wrong?" I said tensely, feeling tears spring back into my eyes.  
  
"No, no you didn't, you were wonderful, its just you were so," he paused as if to be thinking for the right word, " vulnerable, and I took advantage of that. And I shouldn't have."  
  
I took in what he was saying, and realized he was having trouble dealing with what was happening, even I was a little shocked. Sparks had flown, and I had been ready to do anything for those few precious seconds. Maybe things were going too fast, but I didn't want him to stay away from me, not now that I knew he wanted me too.  
  
"Please go."  
  
"Severus, please…don't," I whispered, and reached for his arm. He jerked it away viciously, and then took a step away. I sat down on a stool, and wiped my eyes. Had he really just been swept away by my vulnerability and his lust? The though brought more tears, and it was just too much. I was ready to go to sleep and never wake up. Dumbledore would understand that I couldn't look after Severus anymore. I would calmly explain that he didn't want me around, then go cry.  
  
"Hermione, I…we can't have a relationship, you are not even of legal age, I could be charged for rape, or loose my job. Would you want that?"  
  
"I want you," I said gruffly. I could tell he was startled by the statement, and I read his thoughts.  
  
"Just because you think you are malicious. Severus Snape, doesn't mean the rest of us do. You have something about you that attracts me to you, and if you won't except that, then I'll make you," I stated shyly, and stood, suddenly filled with a little more energy that might get me through this.  
  
"Look at me," I commanded, but he wouldn't. I walked over to him where he hung his head, his hair covering his face from view. I took his face in my hands and looked into his eyes.  
  
"Severus, just because you are a death eater doesn't mean you are evil, well if you were truly on their side you would be," I said dryly, " you've built yourself inside a protective wall of hate and safety. Please come out… to me," I added the last part softly, then kissed him. At first he didn't respond and was just stiff, but I finally worked a response out of him as I stroked his cheeks, memorizing his face, and licked his lips over and over again. I had closed my eyes, but opened them to see his burning into mine. Severus wrapped his arms tightly around me and leaned me against the desk, raking his hands through my hair. I moaned into his mouth, and he responded by nipping my lip.  
  
"Never stop being you, okay." I said lightly. My hands began to unbutton his robes, then splayed across his tunic type shirt. I could feel the heat radiating off his body. He quickly followed my actions and slid my robe off my shoulders were in lay next to his {the only button closed was the top one} his hands wandered upward, tracing patterns on my stomach. His hands I had once thought so caliced and ruff now were soft and pleasurable.  
  
"You're beautiful," he said into my mouth, and kissed my chin then gently sucked on my ear lobe.  
  
"If you continue this, my dear Professor you may never get me to leave," I said breathlessly.  
  
"What if I don't want you to," and then I knew if we really did start something I wouldn't be able to stop. He kissed down my neck, and gently sucked my skin at the base of my throat, his tongue flicking over my pulse point. If the desk hadn't been there, I surely would have fallen to the ground.  
  
He hoisted me onto the top of the desk, and I spread my legs and he came in between him. We were now eye to eye, and I closed mine, leaning my forehead against his. He kissed the corner of my mouth. And I tilted my head onto his shoulder, taking a deep breath. I was very tired, but it didn't matter I felt so happy and comfortable. He kneaded my sore mussels and I nuzzeled his neck. When they came to a stop I hugged him.  
  
"We better stop, if we…"  
  
"It's all right, Hermione, you don't have to say anymore." I pulled away from him, a smile spreading across my face then I yawned.  
  
"Are you tired," he asked softly after a few minutes.  
  
"Um hu," I said, kissing him. He picked me up and I laughed. We went into his office and he sat me down, and I giggled slightly. He pulled his wand out of his robes and flashed it toward the fireplace, and a fire sprang forth. Then he ushered me to a couch by the hearth. Severus sat down and pulled me onto his lap. I wriggled into his embrace, and began to get drowsy. He kissed my temples and held me against his chest. And then I fell asleep.  
  
When I woke up, it was eleven thirty and Severus was asleep. I kissed him lightly on the lips. His eyes popped open, and a smile graced his lips, and in his eyes I could see he was happy.  
  
"You better get onto you're room, its already way past curfew," he muttered tiredly.  
  
"I think I should too." I nodded in agreement, and made a move to get up and rubbed my eyes, but he pulled me back down.  
  
"You know that I am glad I gave you detention," he whispered seductively in my ear. A tiny pleasurable shiver ran down my spine, and I kissed his cheek and got up.  
  
"So am I, I think I will behave badly in class so I can get another one for tomorrow."  
  
"I would like that," he said as he got up and walked me to the classroom's door.  
  
"Then I will, alright," I leaned forward and kissed him softly, but could feel the emotions welling up so I broke it.  
  
"Goodnight, love," he said as I left the room.  
  
* * * * *  
  
  
  
Well, what do you guys think? This was kind of hard to write. I wasn't sure where to take it, but here it is. Well, this isn't edited, my beta reader is probably asleep at the moment, and I haven't been fair to ya'll about updating. Just everything is out of place in my life, and seems to want to rush by w/o me. Oh well.  
  
~Willow  
  
  
  
R/R { 80 something reviews and I'll update or maybe 90, oh and it might change because I need time to think, I don't spout ideas over night! /^-^\- plot bunnies don't come around all the time] 


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